Sometimes No Answer is An Answer

And, so, that story is true. It’s true many times over. I have been the recipient of many new author’s babies. Meaning books, of course.

In my world, silence is an honest, a brutally honest, response to books given to me.

I do not trash badly written books. I have written some poorly formatted or badly expressed content myself. Unless a book is truly sophomoric , I don’t say so. I hold my tongue.

If I read a book that is on the edge, has possibilities, shows me that the author will get better with each new writing she does, I find the good points in the book and I share them. I might offer a suggestion for one of the not so good points. I encourage the author to continue on her hero’s journey and bring me more of her work.

Interestingly, many of the people who have offered me books, sent me books, shoved books into my unwilling hands, never get back to me. It’s sad. But, they are too frightened to hear the truth, to have anyone tell them their baby is ugly, so they move on in a fog, telling themselves one lie after another, because they know the brutally honest truth…and it isn’t good.

Sometimes You Need to Hear the Answer

For authors who are ready for that brutally honest truth, I have great admiration.

I believe I was one, am still one. I accept criticism, I work to improve my writing, and I positively get gushy if someone of import tells me my writing is awful. I mean, they read it. They thought enough to comment on it! Isn’t that awesome?

However, the best and most productive way to be ‘brutally’ honest is to remember the other person is… a person. A person with hopes and dreams and desires and expectations, just like you.

When we learn to treat each other with the respect we deserve as human beings, always tempering that brutally honest truth with compassion, we are helping make the world a better place.

I worked recently with a smart, talented young woman who showed great promise in her writing. But, it wasn’t her forte. She was not so much interested in making it better, as she was in just getting her words out to the world.

I loved her attitude - not on writing, that was sad. But on life and on her direction in life.

She turned to video and she is so fabulous at video I am jealous! I do not ever believe I can be as marvelous at video as she is.

And so, I gently tried to teach her how to write better, format her paragraphs and put the right words in the right place, and I didn’t fail so much as I was teaching a bird how to swim when all she wanted to do was fly.

Honestly, You Already Know the Answer, Don’t You?

Rarely are we unaware of what the answer is, when we ask a pointed question.

• Is my book good?

• How does my hair look?

• I know you didn’t want to share my blog post last week, but will you share it this week?

• Why aren’t you calling me back?

When we put ourselves out there, asking these questions we already know the answer to, we’re actually setting ourselves up for failure. And that’s a blog post for another day.

Instead of asking questions of which we know the answers, and of which the answers are going to make us cry, learn to ask the right questions.

The right questions involve starting a conversation.

A conversation opens the door to compassionate responses and relationship building.

The right questions aren’t about you, they’re about me (or whomever you’re talking to.)

In due time, your conversation will move around to you and a chance to ask for help.

At Nurturing Big Ideas we help. We have a great newsletter and a free e-book, especially about why loving what you do might derail your success. Are you ready to hear the answer? Put some magic in your life. Get Smart News in your inbox every Friday.